Consciousness, Pain, Bullying & Being

I find it hard to let go of good books, and have recently picked up one that I read many years ago called ‘The Power of Awareness’ by Neville.



It made me realise that some of the things I regularly practice came from reading it years ago. It also reminded me that I could do these things more often, to increase my wellbeing and feeling of peace and abundance.



Whilst I have been regularly helping people with my psychic and healing work, I was finding it hard to really reach in and nurture myself. It has been quite a while since I have found this easy. As many of my clients will agree, when life sets a series of ongoing and emotional challenges upon you, it can bring a period of nightfall, of darkness; a feeling that we are not moving forwards, that we are just ‘coping’. These days, weeks, months or years of just coping feel a bit like you are living in a repeating nightmare.



Right now, however, I feel so alive and excited I cannot imagine quite how I will be able to share with you what has been happening for me. So, I do apologise if I jump from one thing to another. They are all woven together and connected by threads, however.


So, I will just blog my way through my thoughts and feelings in the spirit of sharing, and in the hope that some of you may connect with me in this story and share yours with me.



The dark night of my soul unfolded nearly 4 years ago.  There was only one way for me to see it - as an opportunity to grow my soul and expand my consciousness.


I have read time and time again over the years that our greatest sufferings are our greatest opportunity for change. I sincerely understand this to be true. Without trying to lay blame on people, I have tried to forgive. Not to forget, however, but to dive regularly into the uncomfortable waters of the painful dynamics to see what I see. What has unfolded is the gradual dawning on several levels that I was bullied as a child by a family member. All in ‘good spirits’ and apparently for fun and humour though.


I was getting to know this person again as a mature adult. I had higher levels of self-esteem and after a ‘hurtful remark’ disguised as joking, I gently pointed out that what they had just said to me was unkind and not funny. Well, the response was very interesting. Instead of receiving this or reflecting on my statement, this person took very personal offence at my remark and made it all about them. And again, this dynamic had a bullying effect. I chose not to say any more, but had a feeling that the remark had changed the ‘peaceful’ dynamics between us forever. What followed was a complete destruction of my relationship with this person, with increased bullying and interference to the point of the breakdown of another close relationship around me. I had become ostracised and victimised.



As I sat in the midst of this despair, the only thing that got me through and moved me forward was to use my spiritual practice and to fully accept the pain. I had no choice but to accept the helplessness I was feeling while at the same time knowing and trusting that there was a bigger plan that I could not see, but could only sense, and to move forward with this paradox going on inside me.



My spiritual practice was the only thing that gave me an anchor and brought meaning and hope to me during the painful experiences. Up until that time, I had had good relations with people and my life had been pretty peaceful. There are two quotes which come to my mind as I reflect on this: ‘God will never give you anything you can’t handle’ and ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’.



Well, the end result is this. I have come to a new place of steadiness. I have continued helping others and tuning in psychically to do this. However, this energy is SEPARATE from the energy of self-realisation. Yes, my psychic energy grew as my inner life expanded and my intuition grew stronger and I knew it was time to use it to help others. So yes, they are connected and a definite part of the whole. But, ultimately, we need to HELP OURSELVES. Self-realisation cannot be given, and nor is it a given. It has to be worked at, just like any skill.



The good news is, there are many paths. I have been told time and again from upstairs that I know my path and that I have all the tools. I do not need to search any longer for a system to get me to the truth. I have found my system, my way. However, the WAY is an ongoing journey. We can stop at any time and get off the train. Sometimes, during those painful times of our lives, it is easy to lose faith, to lose one’s way. But if we can find our way back, imagine how much stronger we would be now that we have exercised such a strong muscle of willpower. Willpower and attention are the two things necessary to create change, to create the amazing life we know we can have. To have health, abundance, peace, love etc.



Wow, this is pretty full on.



Anyway, I would like to say and give thanks to this book I am re-reading. It is all about how our consciousness is what creates our reality, (yes, I know, you have heard this before….) and how our assumptions cause the events around us to unfold. It is about dreaming the dream through visualising it and feeling it truly and assuming it into existence. This is different to visualisation. It is the practice of BEING that which you desire. This cannot be achieved by repeating words or phrases or looking at pictures. It comes from the practice of regularly working on seeing it, believing it, and also, staying open to what comes. Staying open to finding out what it is your heart truly wants. It is all so unimaginably simple once you get it, but oh the journey to the centre of the earth (our true core) is fraught with traps and difficulties, and the complexity of the mind is what makes the terrain of our journey difficult.



It all sounds familiar. Because it is. The question is, am I ready to BELIEVE IT fully and completely?



Am I ready to throw myself in with the passion of Rumi into the creation of my life?



Am I ready to mercilessly destroy my false beliefs and to question my education, my culture, my religion, my parents, the government and my friends and LIVE MY LIFE from different laws?






I bravely set on this path with renewed vigour, passion and conviction. It is TIME.



I wish you all good luck on your journeys, and if you would like to share yours with me or with others on this list, please send me your story.



Blessed Be!




Write a comment

Comments: 5
  • #1

    Richard Jones (Tuesday, 23 May 2017 12:52)

    Your sad story so closely mirrors my own. Let go of any residual guilt that you may have had. I am eternally grateful for your guidance and empathy that have helped me immensely in my own spiritual quest during difficult times. I was a former singing student of yours in London and cherish the happy memories of your classes. Now I am attending courses at the College of Psychic Studies in London. The ripples of goodness we all send out are picked up and echoed by others and reach far and wide.

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