I find it hard to let go of good books, and have recently picked up one that I read many years ago called ‘The Power of Awareness’ by Neville.
It made me realise that some of the things I regularly practice came from reading it years ago. It also reminded me that I could do these things more often, to increase my wellbeing and feeling of peace and abundance.
Whilst I have been regularly helping people with my psychic and healing work, I was finding it hard to really reach in and nurture myself. It has been quite a while since I have found this easy. As many of my clients will agree, when life sets a series of ongoing and emotional challenges upon you, it can bring a period of nightfall, of darkness; a feeling that we are not moving forwards, that we are just ‘coping’. These days, weeks, months or years of just coping feel a bit like you are living in a repeating nightmare.
Right now, however, I feel so alive and excited I cannot imagine quite how I will be able to share with you what has been happening for me. So, I do apologise if I jump from one thing to another. They are all woven together and connected by threads, however.
So, I will just blog my way through my thoughts and feelings in the spirit of sharing, and in the hope that some of you may connect with me in this story and share yours with me.
The dark night of my soul unfolded nearly 4 years ago. There was only one way for me to see it - as an opportunity to grow my soul and expand my consciousness.
I have read time and time again over the years that our greatest sufferings are our greatest opportunity for change. I sincerely understand this to be true. Without trying to lay blame on people, I have tried to forgive. Not to forget, however, but to dive regularly into the uncomfortable waters of the painful dynamics to see what I see. What has unfolded is the gradual dawning on several levels that I was bullied as a child by a family member. All in ‘good spirits’ and apparently for fun and humour though.
I was getting to know this person again as a mature adult. I had higher levels of self-esteem and after a ‘hurtful remark’ disguised as joking, I gently pointed out that what they had just said to me was unkind and not funny. Well, the response was very interesting. Instead of receiving this or reflecting on my statement, this person took very personal offence at my remark and made it all about them. And again, this dynamic had a bullying effect. I chose not to say any more, but had a feeling that the remark had changed the ‘peaceful’ dynamics between us forever. What followed was a complete destruction of my relationship with this person, with increased bullying and interference to the point of the breakdown of another close relationship around me. I had become ostracised and victimised.
As I sat in the midst of this despair, the only thing that got me through and moved me forward was to use my spiritual practice and to fully accept the pain. I had no choice but to accept the helplessness I was feeling while at the same time knowing and trusting that there was a bigger plan that I could not see, but could only sense, and to move forward with this paradox going on inside me.
My spiritual practice was the only thing that gave me an anchor and brought meaning and hope to me during the painful experiences. Up until that time, I had had good relations with people and my life had been pretty peaceful. There are two quotes which come to my mind as I reflect on this: ‘God will never give you anything you can’t handle’ and ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’.
Well, the end result is this. I have come to a new place of steadiness. I have continued helping others and tuning in psychically to do this. However, this energy is SEPARATE from the energy of self-realisation. Yes, my psychic energy grew as my inner life expanded and my intuition grew stronger and I knew it was time to use it to help others. So yes, they are connected and a definite part of the whole. But, ultimately, we need to HELP OURSELVES. Self-realisation cannot be given, and nor is it a given. It has to be worked at, just like any skill.
The good news is, there are many paths. I have been told time and again from upstairs that I know my path and that I have all the tools. I do not need to search any longer for a system to get me to the truth. I have found my system, my way. However, the WAY is an ongoing journey. We can stop at any time and get off the train. Sometimes, during those painful times of our lives, it is easy to lose faith, to lose one’s way. But if we can find our way back, imagine how much stronger we would be now that we have exercised such a strong muscle of willpower. Willpower and attention are the two things necessary to create change, to create the amazing life we know we can have. To have health, abundance, peace, love etc.
Wow, this is pretty full on.
Anyway, I would like to say and give thanks to this book I am re-reading. It is all about how our consciousness is what creates our reality, (yes, I know, you have heard this before….) and how our assumptions cause the events around us to unfold. It is about dreaming the dream through visualising it and feeling it truly and assuming it into existence. This is different to visualisation. It is the practice of BEING that which you desire. This cannot be achieved by repeating words or phrases or looking at pictures. It comes from the practice of regularly working on seeing it, believing it, and also, staying open to what comes. Staying open to finding out what it is your heart truly wants. It is all so unimaginably simple once you get it, but oh the journey to the centre of the earth (our true core) is fraught with traps and difficulties, and the complexity of the mind is what makes the terrain of our journey difficult.
It all sounds familiar. Because it is. The question is, am I ready to BELIEVE IT fully and completely?
Am I ready to throw myself in with the passion of Rumi into the creation of my life?
Am I ready to mercilessly destroy my false beliefs and to question my education, my culture, my religion, my parents, the government and my friends and LIVE MY LIFE from different laws?
I bravely set on this path with renewed vigour, passion and conviction. It is TIME.
I wish you all good luck on your journeys, and if you would like to share yours with me or with others on this list, please send me your story.
This last month, we have had no less than 10 things break, die, break down, need fixing etc. Cars, vaccuums, computers, pets, washing machines etc etc etc. It has been challenging. I still haven't fixed everything. It must look funny when I use a tent pole to jack my car boot open in the car park, lol!
Anyways, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and the light is now shining a bit brighter now. At least I have a computer! I have been happily preparing materials for the publisher, a new meditation CD to come out next year. Exciting! I have done another local gig at the Crabbes Creek community hall and got chatting to some nice locals. I even sold two Cds. Lovely! (We don't get paid to play at the hall...it is done for the community spirit and fund raising for events at the hall.
What else? Well, I have had to upgrade a bit of gear, and we are shooting skywards with the sound therapy, which is close to Star Trek stuff, and I love Star Trek. One day you will walk in the door and press a button, and you will get zapped with sound and colour vibrations, and probably some zero point energy thingy, and it will help realign all those wonky chakras and your energy field. I really can see that day arriving. In the meantime, Bio-Acoustics will have to do, and it is very, very interesting stuff....
Anyway, I am attempting to FINALLY do a brochure, but have been waylaid by realising horrifyingly that when I recently changed this website's template, some text disappeared into tiny scribbly illegible lines, so here I am updating the website and putting wrongs to rights etc etc. And so, I have updated a lot of things to make sure we stay current. One has to be in the mood for these things.
Well, I can tell you that I was NOT in the mood for what the last two weeks dealt me, and I had to use all my skills to not go into a flapping panic and melt down. When it comes to computers and my recording software, I prefer to stay with what I know, but when Windows 10 says you can't do this with that anymore, it is definitely time to upgrade! Out with the old sound interface, and in with the new. That meant I had to read a manual or two, but all in all, I discovered that I had most of the new tools to hand, and the software companies were very helpful and prompt with their replies when I made my enquiries as to how to get my licenses transferred from computer to computer.
EEK. I love and hate computers...
Well, I am looking forward to smooth running for a while, and hope to get a bit more promotional and spread the word about what we are doing at Sacred Life. I have to be in the mood for that. Some days it is just not possible. Must be my creative, right brained dominance. Good with creating, bad with selling....Can anybody help?
Kind blessings and have a fantastic day.